If it were my last meal...

There should be support groups for people like me. Naturally, I mean Wikipedia addicts.





My mother loves to tell stories about me and the encyclopedia. We had a 1986 edition of World Book that she would just find stacked on the floor. That was her evidence that her little boy had been up through much of the night skimming article after article in those volumes, looking up everything that crossed his mind as potentially interesting. Switching back to the first person, if people ask me how I can recall facts, the answer is that I spent way too much quality time with my nose stuffed in Volume M.





But Wikipedia offers so much more fun than a regular encyclopedia could even bother. It's the ultimate game of "Six Degrees," the best way to learn stuff about the taboo subjects that would make your Dad turn red, and if you miss a TV show or want to know more about a character history, leave it to Wikipedia. Thus why I can give you a full back story on Chuck Bartowski, the greatest spy nerd this side of Max Smart (coincidentally, I know who Max is as the result of Wikipedia).





One day- don't ask me how I navigated myself here- I started looking at a page of the last meals of infamous death row inmates. Here you have some of the worst people in history (Gacy, Eichmann, Bundy, etc) getting to eat anything they want before taking their final bow. Now, I'm not much for criminal acts, but the idea of eating anything I want--with no worries about what it will do to me tomorrow, or how I'll feel, what I'll have to clean up, or what type of catastrophic effect it would have on my health-- that would be something.





I don't miss much about my pre-Weight Watchers eating habits. I've never been a big fan of red meat, and for about 2.5 years, I haven't eaten mammal on purpose. I terrorize the hell out of chickens, and if you offered me some ostrich or alligator, I'd likely take a bite, but Wilbur need not fear me. Same goes for drinking excess amounts of beer or laying waste to a Chinese buffet. Some things are great for college students, but at some point, you have to grow up and put down the egg rolls.





There are some things I do miss, however. Namely, pub food, real ice cream, and carrot cake. Those are the vices that, should I have a bad week and my weight loss shifts into reverse, you can blame Edy's.





I'm not much for fancy food. Bread and fry something, on the other hand, and I'm screwed. I love all things chicken, and when you dust some tender white meat with flour and salt and let it simmer in oil, my mouth starts to water. Chicken wings, tenders, and mozzarella sticks... I've walked that path before, and while it is delicious, you're bound to slip eventually with all the grease.





I also miss the really bad for you desserts. You can keep your cheesecakes, souffles, and fancy cookies. I'll take the real ice cream, no more of this light stuff. While grocery shopping on Sunday, I saw Ben and Jerry's has a new flavor called "Maple Blondie." Part of me was proud I turned and walked away. The other part of me was desperate to break through the glass, eat an entire pint and run up to the register before Megan caught me with my delicious shame. It would leave me with quite the brain freeze, but I care not.





And then there's carrot cake. Despite it's health sounding name, there's no much nutritious about carrot cake, but oh my, that frosting. The moisture of those layers, the gentle sweetness of the raisins mixing with the cream cheese... I just drooled on the keyboard. A few months ago, Megan surprised me at Rein's deli by ordering a slice of carrot cake to share. No light cake, no 100 calorie pack, just real carrot cake. My surprise was deep, my smile overwhelming, and it was so scrumptious.





So, if I were framed for a crime, screwed over by the legal system, and the governor fell asleep before the pardon could be made, my last meal would consist of about a platter of chicken tenders, next to a basket of Honey BBQ wings, a side of mozzarella sticks, a chocolate shake, and ice cream and carrot cake for dessert. That would be a helluva way to go out, and for once, I wouldn't care about points.





Yet why fall off the wagon now, with some few pounds to go before the big goal. We're getting really close, like, prepare the montage clips and get the band warmed up. If I stay focused, by the end of February (or sooner), 60 pounds will have been gone. That's enough incentive to stick with the Skinny Cow over Ben and Jerry for the time being.


And here's something very fresh and tasty... Deep Fried STATS!


Weeks until wedding: 26
Pounds lost in Week 23: 3
Total weight lost: 54.2 lbs
Percentage toward 60-pound goal: 90.333333333333. That's an A minus!
Average weight loss per week: 2.4
Blog followers: 42. That's almost one per post. Keep it up, and comment!
arms hurt: really bad. Evil trainer. grrrrr.
Best Ben and Jerry's Flavors, aside from all of them: Americone Dream, Chocolate Covered Pretzel, Chubby Hubby
Best flavor Wings over Storrs: Golden BBQ.
Sad, but true: In college, we held a wing tournament to determine the best.
Pounds gained during that tourney: 537