An ode to Violet Beauregarde....

"Violet, you're turning Violet, Violet!" What an apt quote from what I consider one of the greatest character downfalls of all time.

For those of you not raised on Roald Dahl or Gene Wilder, Violet Beauregarde was one of the five children lucky enough to find a golden ticket to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. Like everyone except Charlie Bucket, she does not make it through the tour. Her fatal flaw is her love of chewing gum, and when she chews the wrong piece, she becomes the world's largest blueberry.

Violet's endgame was my favorite part of the classic 1971 film (note: as far as I'm concerned, Gene Wilder is Willy Wonka, and Tim Burton's 2005 film can go straight to hell). Now, when I think about the scene, I get a little hungry.

The world's largest blueberry? If it weren't an act of cannibalism, that would be delicious.

For months now, I've craved all things blueberry. Whether pie, yogurt, or one night when I ate an entire container, those little purplish orbs have delighted me as much as chocolate, and that's coming from a man who enjoys his Kit Kat bars.

My best friend and his wife are the parents of an adorable 2-year-old girl. With her, they pulled off a genius ruse. Instead of serving her dessert in the form of cookies or pudding, they gave their daughter blueberries as an after-dinner treat. The result? The little girl now associates blueberries with dessert, and for much of her young life, has desired the fruit among all other snacks.

Yet every time they feed her the blueberries, I secretly get a little jealous. Hell, I'm plenty cute too. Where are my berries?

This craving has me puzzled. For years, I would satisfy hunger (or boredom) with peanut butter, ice cream, bread, chocolate, or a combination of three or more of those things. There really is nothing like a peanut butter sandwich sundae. Now, I'm Jonesing for blueberries or pineapple, and have been ignoring 100-calorie packs of cookies in favor of fruit or yogurt.

What the hell is wrong with me? When did I, a man who once valued Hostess products as highly as currency, become a healthy eater? Why do I now dream about salad instead of fried chicken? And, above all, when did blueberries become my own personal crack-cocaine?

I've heard that pregnant women will often crave foods rich in nutrients their body needs to help their babies develop. Granted, I don't believe that I am pregnant, given the whole "Matt's a dude" thing, but maybe there's some subconscious biochemistry going on here. Blueberries are rich in antioxidants, are low in calories, and are generally considered to be very healthy for you. Pineapple is loaded with Vitamin C, and my other favorite fruit, the banana, is valued for its potassium.

Lately, I've been testing my body to its absolute limits. It's become my norm to burn 1400+ calories in addition to 30 minutes of weight training on an almost daily basis. I've been waking up at 5:30 in the morning in order to get to the gym by 7 and get full workout before heading to the office. Night owl Matt is gone, for the most part: on weeknights, the lights are usually off by 10:30. I'm pretty serious about my commitment here, and a recent visit to the doctor gave me good reason to stay positive and dedicated.

I know that as soon as I stop my little routine, I risk packing the pounds back onto my frame. Yo-yoing is more than common; according to my doctor, about 99 percent of people who have lost 100 pounds end up gaining it all back. Going back to my worst weight, I've lost about 105 pounds.

I don't want to be among the 99 percent. I've worked too hard, and it would be a shame to revert back to the days of having people tell me I look like Peter Griffin.

So maybe my body is craving fruit for a good reason. I need to get those vitamins and potassium from somewhere, and as nice as Fiber-One bars taste, I'd much rather have a banana. And, hopefully, these new healthy eating habits will continue for a long time.

So bring on the Yoplait. And, if you see Violet Beauregarde around, give her a wink and send her my love.

You know what goes great with blueberry pie? Some STATS a la mode!


Days until wedding: 39. Holy Schnikes.
Weight lost in Week 38: 2.2 lbs
Total weight loss after Week 34: 72.6 pounds
Estimated amount of weight lost since last official weigh-in: 1.4 pounds
Total estimated weight loss, based on gym scale: 74 pounds.
Progress toward 60 lb goal: 123.3333 percent
Progress toward 80-pound goal: 92.5 percent
Consecutive weigh-ins without gaining weight: 1
Weight left to lose: 6 pounds. I got this!
Favorite foods with blueberries: scones, muffins, yogurt, pie, pie, pie, buckle, cobbler, or just let me dive into a blueberry bucket
Attitude toward strawberries: bah. Gross berry with bad texture. Stay the hell away from my chocolate and vanilla ice cream and get your own damn carton!