How to succeed in weight loss without really trying...

In response to the title of this entry, the truth is that it's impossible.

No, it's not impossible to pull off losing weight. However, after what was my first "flat" week. I know now that I have to devote all myself to making this happen. Short cuts won't work, and I must stay focused.

And like all important lessons in life, it makes the most sense when you learn from experience. Of course, it would have been much easier to have learned from the musical from which this entry title owes its thanks.

When I was 14, the middle school drama club took a trip to the Bushnell to see a traveling performance of the revival of "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying." Matthew Broderick had thrived in the revival, but since this was the traveling tour, we were treated to a true master thespian in the lead role of J. Pierrepont Finch. Forget Ferris Bueller, we had Daniel LaRusso. That's right. Ralph friggin' Macchio was singing and dancing. Thankfully, I avoided the urge to yell "Wax on, wax off" or launch crane kicks from the balcony.

Here's a brief synopsis: Finch-san (it is Macchio, after all) starts as a window washer and gets his hands on a book conveniently also titled "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying." It's basically a self help guide that he follows carefully, and before long, his overalls have been traded for a suit, and instead of a scaffold, he's in the board room.

But things aren't all peanut butter cups and llama races. He finds himself as VP of advertising, a dead-end for all who dare take on the position. He screws up badly, all the advice in the book is rendered useless, and if not for a happy ending, Finch would have been fired. All is well in the end, of course, and everyone is better for their experiences. Now let's go watch those llamas race.

So let's rewrite the story to apply to my little weight loss quest. Macchio is now playing me (ha ha, YES!). I'm trying to lose 60 pounds, and Weight Watchers has become my little guide. But at some point, I decide I can succeed without help from the program, and I stop counting my points. My reasoning: I've been working out so much and burning so many calories that it doesn't matter if my eating habits are a little off.

Except last week they were more than a little off. Halloween happened, and with it came fun-sized Snickers. Even more dangerous was Election Night, where in return for working til 2:30 a.m., the newspaper sprang for pizza. Plus, fellow staffers brought in chocolate cake and apple pie. It was a trifecta of temptation, and one I thought I could breeze through.

So at weigh-in on Thursday, I was expecting another good week. And yet, nothing. No loss. No gain either, but the pessimist in me can only find disappointment.

The leader is encouraging. She's said before that there will be difficult weeks and plateaus, but my momentum was such that I didn't think it applied to me. Now I realize I've become a typical Weight Watcher: obsessed with the scale, concerned over mere decimal points, and eager for quick results.

It's not going to be that easy. I can't just rely on treadmills and stair machines, especially considering that the gauntlet of Thanksgiving and the December holidays are upon us. The group leader tells us to refine our goals, to keep counting points as much as we can bear, and do our best to stay focused. By Thanksgiving dinner, I want to have some more results. And, if possible, by the time 2010 rolls in and the Resolutes hit the Weight Watchers and crowd the gym locker rooms, I want to be able to say I made it through with my waste intact, if not a little smaller.

It's going to get harder. Continuing on the Karate Kid theme, the holidays are the Cobra Kai. That makes Santa Claus Johnny Lawrence, and though I wouldn't like to have to kick Santa in the face, I should be prepared to defend myself from all chocolates shaped like him.

Before stats, I just wanted to thank everyone who supported the JI News Cycle at Relay for Life. We had more walkers than I expected, and we exceeded our $1,200 goal. Great thanks to everyone who came out on Saturday, and I was delighted with what we accomplished.

I'm starting the stat machine.... NOW!

Weeks until wedding: 37
Week 10 pounds lost: 0 (none gained, though. Yep, grasping at straws here)
Total weight lost: 30.2
Average weight loss per week: 3.02 pounds
Percentage of overall 60-pound goal: 50.333333333333 percent
Pounds remaining to lose: 29.666666666667
Number of subscribers to this blog: 20
Number last week: 18. If we get to 50 by the New Year, I'll take on some dares. Write them in the comment section.
Number of time Ralph Macchio played Daniel LaRusso: 3 (4 if you count the video for "Sweep the Leg")
Sad but true: They're doing a Karate Kid remake, called "Kung Fu Kid," starring Will Smith's son. The Fresh Prince himself is producing. I wish I were joking.
Other notable parts played by Ralph Macchio: Billy in "My Cousin Vinny," and that's pretty much it.
Miles walked at Relay for Life: about 4
Amount of junk food consumed that offsets walking all those miles: uh, back on the program today!