On Black Friday, I'm with the Grinch

Twas the day after Thanksgiving, and all through this town,
Parents were fighting and beating each other down.
For Elmos, and Wiis, and Xhu Xhu Pets by the score,
Even though kids should love real hamster a whole lot more.
All the stores were brimming with dollars and green,
With no real meaning of the holidays anywhere to be seen.
So on this Black Friday, finding me is a cinch,
I'll be up on Mount Crumpet, frowning down with the Grinch.


Do not misunderstand me. I truly believe the Holidays, especially those that come in December, are a wonderful time of the year. I have no problems with the music, or people who say "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays." I love the volunteer spirit that neighbors show to each other, and the smells of the season are the most delicious of the entire year.


But despite all that, I have absolutely no love for Black Friday. This is a miserable day, and not just this year, with the air chilly and a cold rain bearing down. Working in Manchester, perhaps the retail capital of Connecticut, I've had to interview many a shopper during my time, and inevitably there's always a story about something bad happening as parents rush the stores for the best deals.


Last year, a Walmart employee got trampled to death. As of this moment, I haven't heard anything about anyone getting seriously injured this year, but it hasn't been for lack of trying. Police from several different departments were called to the Toys R Us in Manchester to calm tensions early this a.m., as 1,000 people were lined up outside before the store opened and a few had the audacity to cut in line. If I'm up at 4 a.m. to get in line with a thousand other people for first crack at a toy store, there better be an honest to goodness live giraffe walking through the aisles.


What makes it especially hard to stomach is the proximity so close to Thanksgiving, the greatest holiday of them all. No sooner had I finished my last bite of pie last night when I learned that family members were planning a midnight excursion to an outlet mall. I don't get it. I never read about Squanto or Miles Standish leaving the first Thanksgiving in order to get in line to shop for Christmas presents at the Colonial Gap.


I understand this is a short shopping season. I also understand that the economy has sucked, and Christmas usually brings a much needed shot in the arm. But some days should be sacred, and Thanksgiving is one of them. Someone told me today that when I'm a father to young kids, I'll understand the hubbub, but for now, I feel strictly humbug.


I know, this blog is supposed to be about weight loss, so let's get to that. In a few minutes, I'm headed off to the gym, where no doubt there will be many people fighting for machines to work off their holiday feasts. I was no dietary angel at either of the Thanksgivings I attended on Thursday (stops in Groton and Middletown make it difficult to stay on a plan), but I didn't go too crazy. Still, there's no doubt that I should probably spend a few extra minutes on the tread-climber and do some crunches today.


In a way, today's session will be practice for early January, when the Resolutioneers make their annual trek to the gym. There truly is nothing like a fitness center on Jan. 2. You have to park roughly three miles from the gym, and you see so many folks with the deer-in-the-headlights, oh-my-lord-how-do-I-use-this-machine? looks. Plus, many of them got designer outfits for the experience. Ah, spandex.


Yet I'm already cranky over hearing the stories about toy store fights. How grumpy will I get if someone spends 15 minutes on a treadmill doing nothing but complaining on the cell phone?


So yeah, I guess I am a Black Friday Grinch, but I'm okay with that. Come next week, hell, come Saturday, I'll be in the holiday spirit and ready to fail in attempts to build gingerbread houses. But no, I'm not likely to join you today for trips Best Buy, Borders, or Barnes and Noble (wow, I didn't realize my favorite stores were all so alliterative!) I've got too much love for Squanto, Santa, and Hanukkah Harry to see my holiday cheer spoiled before it starts.