Heroism in plus sizes...

There's a little Samwise Gamgee in all of us.



While I take steps to lose my roundness, I retain my love for all those great characters of the screen who prove it's okay to be on the larger side. There are some wonderful folks in film who I've been proud to watch, characters who begin the movie at the butt of the joke but overcome their innate plushness (and sometimes asthma) to beat the villain, win the girl, or just make us feel good in general.

So taking a break from my own progress for one blog (just one, I hear you all saying), here's my top 10 plus-sized movie characters of all time. Note: These choices are based on my own opinion, but I'll tell you right now, if you believe Eddie Murphy in a fat suit belongs on this list, well, I'll meet you outside with my dukes up.

Play Ball!!!!!!

10. Hamilton Porter, "The Sandlot", 1993, played by Patrick Renna

How others see him: "It's easy when you play with rejects and a fat kid, Rodriguez."

How he sees himself: Strutting by the pool, waving to the ladies, "I remember you! Ooh, sexy!.... Cannonball!"

Why Ham rocks: Yes, he is comic relief, and while he doesn't get the girl, Ham is the second best hitter at the Sandlot and after Benny, one of the first to welcome Smalls into the club. He also figures big in two pivotal scenes: the insult-off with Phillips ("You play ball like a GIRL!") and teaching Scotty to make s'mores ("You're killing me, Smalls!")

9. Marla Hooch, "A League of Their Own," 1992, played by Megan Cavanagh

How other see her: "How about Marla Hooch... What a hitter!"

How she sees herself: "I singing to Nelson! Ain't I, baby?"

Why Marla rocks: Yep, continuing the baseball theme. Marla gets the nod over the other chubby girl on the Peaches, Doris, because Marla has more to overcome than just a few extra pounds. She's the ugliest girl in the league, drawing comparisons to Gen. Omar Bradley, but she's the best hitter on the Peaches and finds true happiness with her knight in nerdy armor, Nelson.


8. Walter Sobchak, "The Big Lebowski," 1998, played by John Goodman

How others see Walter: "Of course the car made it home, you're calling me at home. No, Walter, it did NOT look like Larry was about to crack!"

How Walter sees himself: "I'm as Jewish as (friggin') Tevye."

Why Walter rocks: He's brash, opinionated, short-tempered, dresses ridiculously, fixated on 'Nam, and honestly, on the scale of things off kilter about Walter, his weight problem is way down the list. Still, he's faithful to his converted religion (He definitely doesn't roll on Shabbos), he eulogizes dear Donny well before the ashes blow into the Dude's face, and he has no fear of nihilists. Let's go bowling, indeed.



7. Paul Blart, "Paul Blart, Mall Cop," 2009, played by Kevin James


How others see Paul: "I wish I had a bat. I would bust you open, see how much candy fell out."


How Paul sees himself: "I took a solemn oath to protect this mall."


Why Paul rocks: Given, this isn't a movie that will win many awards, but Blart is the archetype of big guy overcoming the odds. He goes from Segway riding security guard to a hero, winning the girl from "Glee" and ridding his beloved shopping mall of skateboarding terrorists. John McClane, he is not, but a worthy protagonist? Definitely.



6. Ben Stone, "Knocked Up," 2007, played by Seth Rogen


How others see Ben: "He's got man-boobs. Where does that end?"


How Ben sees himself: "You're going to be embarrassed when you realize I'm Wilmer Valderama."


Why Ben rocks: At the start of Knocked Up, Ben has two things going for him: his sense of humor and a fantastic Jewfro. By the end, he's kicked the weed, rounded himself into fatherhood, and proven to Katherine Heigl that he's more than just a drunken mistake. Plus, yes, he's played by Seth Rogen, and that kicks him up a few pegs in my book.









5. Buck Russell, "Uncle Buck," 1989, played by John Candy

How others see Buck: "You have much more hair in your nose than my Dad. "

How Buck sees himself: " I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good."

Why Buck rocks: Five people on this list could have been characters played by the late Mr. Candy, but this was his most heartwarming role. Buck is unemployed and overweight, but at the same time, he domesticates himself, saves his niece from a sex predator, rekindles romance with his girl, punches out a drunk clown, makes pancakes the size of laundry baskets, and tells a nasty principal to go downtown and have a rat gnaw the mole off her face.

4. Vern Tessio, "Stand by Me," 1986, played by Jerry O'Connell (yes, that Jerry O'Connell)

How others see Vern: "Oh, great! You brought the comb! What did you bring a comb for? You don't even have any hair!"

How Vern sees himself: "If I could only have one food for the rest of my life? That's easy-Pez. Cherry-flavored Pez. No question about it."

Why Vern rocks: Well, dear Vern is never going to win a Nobel Prize. Some types of rocks are smarter than Vern, he lacks common sense, is gullible as all heck, and almost gets run over by a train. But his discovery led to the action in the movie, and as the boys make their journey to the body, it's clear that Vern is more than just a token member of the group. Plus, he knows his role, and provides good support for the other guys.

3. Flounder, "Animal House," 1979, played by Stephen Furst

How others see Flounder, a.k.a. Kent Dorfman: "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

How Flounder sees himself: "May I have ten thousand marbles, please?"

Why Flounder rocks: He is the worst pledge to rush Delta, not for being chubby, but for being completely naive and stupid. As the movie goes on, Flounder develops his own personality within the house, and while he never quite gets over being the butt of the joke (or sucker, for that matter), Kent carves out his niche as the nice guy who didn't finish first, but he didn't finish last, either. Plus, he had a pretty hot girlfriend before Otter took her away.

2. Po, "Kung Fu Panda," 2008, voiced by Jack Black

How others see Po: "You can't defeat me! You... you're just a big... fat... panda! "

How Po sees himself: "There is no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness."

Why Po rocks: What doesn't rock about Po? He starts the movie as a waiter, ends up turning his girth into his own unique style of Kung Fu, becomes the greatest warrior in ancient China, and masters the Wu Xu finger hold. In other words, he's THE Big, Fat Panda, and he's pretty proud of it.

1. Samwise Gamgee, "The Lord of the Rings", 2001-2003, played by Sean Astin

How others see Sam: "Stupid, fat Hobbit!"

How Sam sees himself: "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you!"

Why Sam rocks: No surprise that he lands at the top of the list. Sam is the most unlikely hero ever, starting as a gardener and ending up saving the world. Frodo said it himself: without Sam, Mr. Baggins doesn't get very far. Ignoring the jokes about Sam and Frodo's relationship, in Gamgee, you have a character who starts as a sidekick, then grows a spine and learns to kill orcs. He climbs up to Cirith Ungol, defeats Shelob, rescues Frodo from the tower, trudges to Mt. Doom, carries Frodo up the whole darn mountain, and keeps Gollum at bay for most of the last two movies. Plus, when he gets home, he marries the hottest Hobbit ever, eventually has about a dozen kids, and becomes mayor of Hobbiton for 49 years.

Honorable mentions: Tommy Callahan (Tommy Boy), Barf (Spaceballs), Fozzie Bear (The Muppet Movie), Shrek (duh)

Dishonorable mentions: Sherman Klump (Nutty Professor), Norbit's wife (Norbit), Big Mama (Big Mama's House), and virtually every other skinny actor to don a fat suit. Except for Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire, it's usually just a terrible idea.

So there's the list. Did I leave anyone off? Post your thoughts.