Hey groomsmen, lift with your legs!

Are big men light on their feet? And, more importantly for my groomsmen, are we light in the chair?

Both of these questions have been pressing on my mind of late. Megan and I are now about nine months from our nuptials, and while the current October air chills the bone, soon it will be summer and time for me to hope whatever tux I rent will hide sweat.

We were invited to two weddings last weekend, one in Massachusetts and one in California. Alas, we couldn't make it out west, but we had a helluva time at Megan's cousin's wedding. (When it comes down to it, apostrophes can be annoying). After vows were exchanged and the couple had their moment on the dance floor, it was time for everyone else to get up and shake it.

Now, shaking it is nothing new for me. Anyone who attended a UCoinn football game from 2000-2004 might share a story about a band dork dancing on camera like Chris Farley saluting the Chicago Bears. But dancing with style, grace, and dare I say finesse? That's never been my strong suit. I'm more than willing to make an ass of myself to the delight of all, but as far as actual dance moves go, I can't do much more than shuffle my feet, twirl my partner repeatedly, dip her at the wrong moments, and get distracted by dessert and leave the floor.

Yet I was feeling very good at this wedding, even svelte. Weight Watchers is working. Just wait til' you see this week's stats. Plus, instead of my usual wallflower look, I donned a purple shirt and striped tie to go with my recently tailored suit. Hell, I was downright dapper, and my dance moves would have to be on par with more confident Matt.

I hate most line types of line dancing. There have been few occasions when I've attempted the "Electric Slide" without someone ending up in the hospital. The Cha Cha Slide, though, is almost foolproof, and it has become a highlight at every recent wedding I've attended. The lyrics tell you what to do. Can't get much easier than that, right? Unfortunately, the lyrics don't spell out exactly how far to slide, how to properly cha cha, and to the chagrin of those around me, how hard to stomp to the left or right. Megan almost left with a fracture when I got a little too into the dance, bringing my shoe down with gusto right on top of her foot. Oops.

We had things down by the end of the night. I've seen "Swingers" enough times to understand the basic tenants of swing dancing, and in a style of unlimited twirls, I can handle my business. Come nine months, though, all eyes will be on Megan and me, and I need to do my part to make the dancing memorable. I've promised her we could take at least three ballroom dancing lessons. However many it takes, we will own that dance floor, or more accurately, rent it for a few hours.

Meanwhile, I hope my groomsmen have been exercising. It's inevitable that Hava Nagila will play sometime during the reception, and in addition to dancing the Horah, that means the bride and groom get lifted in the air. The tradition goes that in days of yore, when men and women danced on separate sides of the room, the bride and groom were raised in chairs above the rest of the guests, giving them a glimpse of their beloved. Aww.

Now, the chair lift is more an opportunity to bring a sense of danger to the reception. I'm fully aware that if I get lifted, my mother's amount of worry could amount to a coronary. Still, it would be fun (the lift, not Mom's coronary), and I'm starting to feel like I might be light enough by the wedding that lifting me in my chair won't pose significant risks to the groomsmen.

Months ago, when I was feeling quite butterbally, I vowed not to be lifted. I've been in the air before, and it's never a good idea. I did a keg stand at a college party many years ago, and the experience of being both in the air and upside down still makes me feel unsettled. Large men, I rationalized, aren't meant for gravity defiance.

But if these results continue, I won't be such a big man come July. I'm upbeat, excited, and even chipper at the thought. So groomsmen, hit the free weights. There's a good chance I'll be expecting you to send me skyward.

Cha Cha stats!

Weeks until wedding: 40 (Clap your hands)
Week 6 pounds lost: 4.8. (slide to the right)
Total weight lost: 26.4 (slide to the left)
Percentage of overall 60-pound goal: 44 percent (right stomp two times)
Pounds remaining to lose: 33.6 (left stomp five times- sorry about the foot!)
Times I've successfully completed the Cha Cha Slide: 0
Number of subscribers to this blog: 14
Number last week: 9. Keep spreading the word, please.
Daily point allowance at start of Weight Watchers: 42
Current daily point allowance: 39
Number of points in one Chicken Bordurrito from on the Border (with side salad): 34.5
Number of hours I cried when I learned that: 34.5